banana still in the peel

Somebody has invented a banana corer. I guess they wanted to make bananas more interesting. By filling them with sweetness!

I’ll try to explain. You put the unpeeled banana in the holder. Then, you put this metal thing that looks like a giant needle through the banana. You then have a small hole at the top. Then you squeeze something in there like caramel or chocolate or whipped cream.

You eat it and find a tasty surprise!

This was created in Argentina. I’m guessing they want to sell more bananas and this will make bananas more fun.

I don’t think they need to sell me on this. I eat bananas like crazy. They are already sweet and so easy to eat! Just peel and eat! Done!

I might fill my banana with peanut butter. Because I eat that almost every day. I will put some peanut butter on bread and put a banana on it. It looks kinda like a hot dog. Well…if the bun was a piece of wheat bread and the ketchup was peanut butter and the hot dog was a banana.

Ok, so it’s almost nothing like a hot dog. But it’s good! I don’t even cut the banana. THAT is how lazy I am. And you know what? I don’t care! It’s So Good. It’s like a Banana in a Blanket.

I wonder if you can inject any other fruits with caramel? I mean, you could core an apple, but the caramel center would be too hard to get to.

On the other hand, I guess they already solved that by putting the caramel or chocolate on the outside.

Strawberries and blueberries are too small to really inject with anything.

OH! What about carrots! That’s a vegetable that you could inject something into! Maybe caramel? Like caramel carrots? I wonder if that’s any good. I’ll have to try that. Carrots deserve to get banana respect.

I’m off to inject fruits and vegetables.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

chocolate pudding fruit

That’s a thing. A real thing. It’s called a Black Sapote. BUT it is also known as Chocolate Pudding Fruit!

When I heard about this, I almost exploded from excitement. Literally. It’s happened before, so I know what it feels like when it almost happens.

Then I got skeptical. Because, you know, you would THINK a fruit that tastes like chocolate would SELL LIKE A FRUIT THAT TASTES LIKE CHOCOLATE.

It’s a decent fruit. Pretty high in fiber. Vitamin A and C. But does it taste like chocolate pudding?!

Well…maybe. Since I can’t really find this fruit anywhere, I looked it up online. Most people seem to say that it has a mild chocolate flavor. Though, somebody said it was like pear/banana combo. A pearana? Banear?

One person said it might be psychological because it LOOKS just like chocolate pudding. You can’t eat the skin, so you cut it open, and chocolate pudding is in there!

This is like peeling an orange and a finding whipped cream!

Or opening a watermelon and finding a puppy!

Or cutting open an apple to find out it’s filled with love and gummy bears!

So yes, this fruit does exist. But it’s not quite the miracle we thought. I would still like to try it.

Even if it doesn’t taste just like chocolate, it can’t be as bad as cutting a mango.

Yes. I’m still bitter. Like arugula.

I’m off to peel a banana to see what’s inside. I hope it's a rainbow.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

going bananas for bananas

Did you know bananas are bad for monkeys? Would you ever have guessed that?!

A zoo in England is saying that bananas have too much sugar for monkeys. And the calorie count is too high. Because they eat human bananas.

I honestly had no idea that bananas were grown to please humans. We decided to breed them to be sweeter. I guess they started growing bananas and sugar cane in the same field and made the yummy treat we have today.

Editor’s Note: The science of that statement may or may not be true. Since it was completely made up.

Now that they are off the bananas, they are less aggressive. They also have “thicker and better” fur.

Should I stop eating bananas? I would LOVE thicker and better fur! Who doesn’t want that?!

I like bananas. I also like the word banana. I think it is one of the few fruits that can be used to describe something not fruit-related.

How did it happen that saying something is “bananas” meant that it’s crazy or wild? I’ve never seen a banana do anything crazy.

Maybe I’m just hanging out with the wrong bananas. (Get it? That’s funny because bananas are a hanging fruit!)

More fruits should mean other things. Peachy is a nice one. Why doesn’t apple mean anything?

Like, “No way! You beat Metroid?! That’s so apple!”

I’m going to start using that.

I’m off to have an apple day.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

my phone is too big

That line is hilarious to two other people. One of them probably doesn’t even remember me. The other probably isn’t reading this right now.

But in my head, I’m laughing so hard that if I were drinking some sort of liquid, it would be coming out of my nose. And possibly other places as well.

I'm afraid this post will get all ranty and I apologize for that. (I don't really, I love to rant!)

I realize that I’m often different. I don’t know how it happened. I remember when I first got a smartphone. It wasn’t that long ago, so if I didn’t remember it, we would have to worry about my brain.

It’s a good phone. It does what I want. Calls people. Texts people. Checks twitter. Plays Words with Friend. Maybe someday I’ll get another friend and I can upgrade to Words with Friends.

The phone isn’t bleeding edge. It wasn’t even newish when I got it. It just does what I need. Now, it’s been a few years and I’m looking for a new phone, but I was hoping for something smaller.

WHAT?! SMALLER?!?! Who wants that?! Well…me, I guess. And apparently I’m the only one.

My phone has a 4.3-inch screen. Which is actually average to small these days. But I hate carrying around something so big!

So, I’m thinking of getting an iPhone 4s with a 3.5-inch screen. Because I'm very secure.

I really thought I would want a big screen, but I’m finding out that I really hate carrying it around.

Why am I talking about this? I have no idea. I just needed to vent. And my Friend from Words is sick of hearing about it.

Though, Apple doesn’t have Swype. Swype is a magical keyboard that makes me happier than peanut butter. You should try it.

But, I am a fan of items named after fruit. Especially apples. Apples are good.

But apples and peanut butter are even better.

I’m off to compare sizes.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the perfect apple

Cornell University is famous for a lot of things. My brother went there. I don’t think they were famous until he went there. I’m pretty sure his thesis was a best-seller.

Well, it would have been if anybody could understand it. That’s what happens when you become Doctor Physics. Nobody knows what you’re saying. Something about something and rays or something. It’s all gibberish.

Cornell is ALSO famous for apples! They love making new apples in hopes of creating the “perfect apple.” Since I thrive on factual research for all my blogs, I decided to call my brother about his Cornelliness and maybe find a joke about his PhD or apples or something.

I asked him about his thesis. It was mostly a bunch of science words I couldn’t understand. Not much comedy to work with. But then he said that he would get apples from the vending machine!

Yes! Cornell has an apple vending machine! All of a sudden, Doctor Physics got interesting! They make all these new apple breeds and then let you buy them from the vending machine!

They don’t even tell you what they are. Just “apple 5837204” or whatever.

It’s like a box of chocolates, which, I hear, is like life, which, I’m now finding out, is like an apple vending machine, which, I admit, I wish I could see at every store.

I love apples. Especially Granny Smith apples. They are so yummy. And a GREAT color. I like most green apples. And pink apples. Green and pink are my favorites.

Cornell should breed a Granny Smith/Pink Lady apple. THAT would be the perfect apple.

Unless they made an apple that tasted like gummy bears and looked like a dinosaur. That one might be a little more perfecter.

I’m off to vend an orchard.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

national pie day

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned how much I love pie. That's a lie. I am sure I've mentioned it a lot. But I'm PRETTY sure I haven't mentioned National Pie Day! TODAY!

It is officially sanctioned by the (totally real) American Pie Council. There are celebrations going on all over the United States! There are places where you can get free pie! Get pie stickers! Even get your picture taken with a pie!

No time to get to those? The Great American Pie Festival is coming later this year! The American Pie Council does NOT mess around. They know that pie needs to be celebrated nationally and festivally.

Their website has pie recipes, ways to celebrate National Pie Day, AND pie merch!

I have decided to throw all my clothes away and buy ALL pie attire. I shall call it Haute (Apple Pie) Couture.

Even though I don't like apple pie. Well, I have yet to have an apple pie that I liked. There are officially 231 different varieties of apple pie logged in the council's archives. I will not rule out the chance that I will like 147 of them.

So please, have a pie party today. A pie-rty! Get all your pie-pals together and make pie! Then eat pie! Then make MORE pie! Then EAT more pie! Then recite the Pie Oath!

In pie-est day and crusty night,
No filling shall escape my sight,
Apple, pecan, and strawberry I bite,
Let's eat some pie, Green Lantern's light!

Okay...so I stole the oath from Green Lantern...and couldn't figure out a good way to end it. But still, Green Lantern loves pie, so I'm pretty sure it works. Instead of a power ring, I have a power pie.

I'm off to eat pie. Simple as that.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

for crying out loud

For crying out loud, you get a lot of attention! And you also start a sentence with a prepositional phrase, which grammar people LOVE.

Grammatical sarcasm aside, I heard somebody say "for crying out loud" the other day and I started repeating it to myself trying to figure out what it could possibly mean. We say it so fast when we actually use it.

"Did you get your candy yet?"

"Halloween is still 7 months away, fercryinoutloud!"

(By the way, buying Halloween candy should be done every day of the year. It's candy. It's good. Eat it every day.)

Or maybe it's for getting prizes!

"For crying out loud, you will get our award for Out Loudness!"

"Since everybody else in class cried internally, you get the Cry Award for crying out loud!"

Everybody cheers! Some internally.

Prepositional exclamatory phrases aside, I really didn't have much else to talk about.

Well, I DID try something new. I love cutting up an apple and eating it with peanut butter. LOVE IT. I ALSO love peanut butter and toast.

Since I enjoy honey and jam and jelly on toast, I decided to try honey and jam and jelly on apple slices! Separately.

They were ok. They didn't taste bad, kinda just...there. Not NEARLY as exciting as peanut butter and apple!

So yeah...nothing special. My life can't always be exciting, for crying out loud!

I'm off to cry internally. Which sounds really, really sad.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the final say on candy corn

There is no guarantee that this is actually the last time I will write about candy corn.

But it could be.

I tried all the new candies and cookies that have been created to TASTE like candy corn.

And they were good.

I decided to give candy corn another chance. I never used to like it. It was always...not right.

I have changed my mind. I now like it! It's good! I don't know if they changed anything, but the bag does say that it is made with "real honey." And, well, you know how passionate I am about honey!

I have a theory about the "bad" candy corn. People put it in a dish and it sits out and gets dry and nasty. THAT is when it is gross! And THAT might be why I never liked it!

So keep it fresh in the bag so kids don't get scarred like I did!

AND NOW they make different flavors! They have original, which I guess is honey-flavor, caramel, AND caramel apple! They also have a nondescript-flavor pumpkin!

Apparently, Canada is rumoured to have a Blueberry Cobbler Candy Corn. I have NO idea what compelled the Canadians to make that, but I love them for it. And if you know any Canadian candy smugglers, I am willing to pay top dollar for a bag of that.

Legally speaking, I didn't just ask that. (Even though I really did. Shhhh...)

Candy corn, I apologize for treating you so badly for so long. I hope we can get along now. And by get along, I mean I will buy many bags of you and eat like crazy.

I'm off to visit a...friend...at the border.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj