go home text, you’re drunk

Scientists in Canada have successfully sent a text message...using vodka! This is totally true!

Now you don’t even have to drink to send a drunken text message! “Science: Making texts from last night more efficient!”

They texted “O Canada” across a room. 4 meters in fact! If you don’t know what a meter is, it’s like a Canadian yardstick.

They entered the letters. Then used a spray bottle full of vodka to spray the text in binary code. Then a little fan got the vodka across the room to the receiver.

I never said it was high tech. They only had $100 and a bottle of vodka. It’s not like anybody was going to fund this project.

Though, I know people who would have a VERY different night if they only had $100 and a bottle of vodka.

At least with the Canadian scientists, I don’t have to pick them up from the carousel at the county fair at 3AM.

This all leads me to believe that Canada needs better mobile phone service. I don’t know what Verizon or ATT are doing, but they clearly aren’t putting up enough towers there.

But if Absolut needs a business partner, I’m pretty sure that we’d do pretty well setting up a bunch of cell towers that sprayed vodka.

I’m off to pick up my friend. He’s stuck in a trunk. An elephant’s trunk. Again.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

time comes to you

Why travel to the future when you can make the future come to you! A man in Tehran claims he created a kinda, sorta time machine.

It doesn't really flux capacitate. More like flux caprintout...itate...

Ali has created the "Aryayek Time Traveling Machine." It will tell you what will happen to you in the next 5-8 years of your life. Using "complex algorithms."

I will also tell you what will happen in the next 10 years of your life. Using algorithms of complexion.

Find me in 10 years and let's check on my accuracy.

Know why we don't have access to this AMAZING device yet?! He says that "the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight."

Which, granted, is probably true. So you can't blame the guy.

But who cares about that?! I travel in time at least twice a year! I'll go forward and backwards one FULL HOUR. It's crazy. I really can't explain it. My phone will just pop forward an hour or back an hour sometimes!

My phone is amazing! It takes pictures and plays music and texts AND takes me through time!

I may have a time travel app. I don't remember finding that at the app store, but time travel may or may not have messed up my memory.

Also, many blows to the head may or may not have messed up my intelligence. So says my anesthesiologist. Wait...no...maybe it was the neurosthesiologist?

I can't remember.

I'm off to fall back in time.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

leave a message

I read something the other day about the new etiquette required for use with your mobile phone. Or "cell" phone, as the kids call it. And adults. And non-age specific people who like the word "cell."

The deal is this: If you call, don't leave a message unless it is SUPER important. Otherwise, the other person will see that you called and call you back. Or, after calling and getting to voicemail, hang up and text the voicemail message you WOULD have left.

Because reading a text takes less time than calling your voicemail and putting in your password and listening to the voicemail.

This way, you won't be a burden to the other person. Because leaving messages is rude and totally uncalled (pun intended) for these days.

Yet, only a few years ago, people would LOVE to get messages and voicemails! Not a burden at all getting to hear your friends! In fact, it was a small treat in the day! Now your voice is hindering their Facebook time!

How rude of you!

One of the (possibly many) reasons I don't have friends might be due to my voicemail messages. I leave long ones. LONG. The voicemail cuts me off. Then I call back to leave PART 2 of my message. Sometimes, but not often, requiring a trilogy of messages!

THAT is how you know I care about you. I'm willing to spend the time to rant and rave about absolutely nothing for 3 voicemail messages.

Currently, nobody calls me back. And generally text me to never call again.

I may have to rethink my methods. Instead of calling, I'll just text you with my message. Now you'll just have to get 30 texts at a time from me.

I'm just trying to be etiquettey. Because I'm a gentleman like that.

I'm off to mail a voice and text.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

pop the giant plasma bubble

Voyager 1 is gonna pop the bubble! That's right! It's getting ready to break through the giant plasma bubble that is the edge of our solar system.

WHAT?! YES! After 35 years of just floating away from Earth, this thing is going farther than any object we threw into space!

I know. There's a lot of space stuff going on this week. But don't blame me! Blame the awesomeness of NASA! It's their fault that so much cool stuff is happening!

How amazing is it that something is still sending us information from over 11 BILLION miles away! It takes 17 hours for info from Voyager 1 to even get to us!

That's like texting somebody a question and then not getting an answer for 34 hours!

Voyager 1: LOL. Plasma bubble tickles. U shud visit. j/k srsly, tho, could u send some music? I'm boreddddd.

17 hours pass...

Earth: gr8 to hear from u V1! U R funny. U R a machine. U don't get bored. thx 4 all the sweet space info!

17 hours pass...

Voyager 1: forgot to mention...radiation changed me. now sentient. ur refusal to help will result in a death ray.

17 hours pass...

Earth: LOL!

17 hours pass

Voyager 1: not a j/k. u have 17 hours until my death ray hits you.

That was 3 hours ago. We still have 14 hours left!

I'm off to send an ipod to Voyager 1.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

paging dr. agon

OH MY DRAGON! This is the greatest thing that's ever happened in my life!

I got a text from my lovely co-worker Dina. She was looking for toys.

As you may or may not know, texts are only 160 characters. When you send something that is OVER 160 character, you get TWO text messages!

How fun is that?! If it goes over 320 characters, YOU GET THREE TEXTS! YAY!

So I got a two-part text from Dina. The first text ended with "red or blue or whatever dr"

The next text message said "agon. he is paying..."

I thought she was looking for a Dr. Agon toy.

NOPE! She was looking for a DRAGON!

How awesome would it be to have a dragon that is also a doctor named Dr. Agon!

I'm going to go to medical school and change my name to Agon.

Then I will be able to fly and shoot fire out of my mouth.

Because that's what happens.

It would be better than choking on my coffee.

Because that's what actually happened this morning. Twice.

I'm off to text a hospital.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj