sense of smell-touch

Apparently there are olfactory sensors on your skin. So when you stink after a vigorous workout at the gym, your whole body smells how funky you are!

If you are interested in smelling the pineapple at the store, just start rubbing it on your arm.

Or if you smell some cookies and want to get a good whiff, just go to the counter of the bakery and start rubbing the cookies on your stomach.

It’s not weird at all if you do that because that’s how it works.

Maybe not EXACTLY like that, but you get the idea. I guess a scientist in Germany decided to look at what your skin’s sense of smell could actually do, so he got some skin cells and some different scents and got to smelling!

Turns out sandalwood worked wonders! The scent helped the skin to heal!

Well, not sandalwood exactly, but Sandalore, which is used in sandalwood candles.

Sandalore! That’s fun to say. It sounds like a mythical city off the coast of a warm island where everybody wears sandals.

Mythical Leader: “Welcome to Sandalore, my friend! You found our hidden city in the sea! Here is your strappy, breathable footwear!”

Me: “I much prefer sneakers.”

Mythical Leader: “YOU ARE BANISHED FOREVER! Go find Shangri-La!”

I guess getting a sandalwood candle won’t heal all your wounds, though. They used concentrations about 1,000 times stronger than your average candle.

But maybe next time I’m sick, I’ll buy 1,000 sandalwood candles and light them all in my apartment. I’m sure I’ll be healthy in minutes!

Unless the smoke causes an issue. They didn’t do a study on that.

I’m off to buy out Yankee Candle.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

fruit cutter 2: mangry

I thought I could cut fruit. I really, really did. I was prancing in a beautiful world full or cut pineapples and watermelons! Everybody was smiling and happy and dancing! I thought I could handle anything!

That overconfidence was my downfall. Into a descent of fruit salad fury.

First, the mango. The mango got me mangry. I tried a few different cutting techniques. Wanna know what you should do with a mango? NOTHING. It’s mostly pit! Or, whatever is in it! It’s only worth a small bite of fruit!

If you never had one, here’s an easy way to try it. Get a 2x4. Preferably a tougher wood. Like a Grey Ironback. Then take one banana and spread it around the 2x4 so you have a thin layer of fruit.

Then try to eat it. THAT is a mango.

After the mango mangling, I thought I would have some fun with fruit that I already loved. Bananas, strawberries, and pineapple. I thought, “I’ll make a fancy fruit salad!”

NOPE! Don’t do it! Cutting a strawberry is silly! You can just eat it as is. There is no reason to cut it into slices. You get, like, two slices. Don’t waste your time.

And bananas just go smoosh. The end.

See, you have to cut pineapples and watermelons because they have a thick shell. But bananas? NO! It’s not natural to cut them! You don’t have to!

The same with strawberries! It’s against nature!

You don’t want to fight nature, do you?

NO. YOU DON’T.

I’m off to eat fruit the way it is meant to be eaten at dictated by nature.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

fruit cutter

I’m a fruit cutter and I’m proud to admit it!

I’ve been testing some new fruits lately, but I’m insanely lazy. I have no desire to cook or prepare food. I don’t know why people would want to do that. It takes so much time!

You know what you could be doing? SOMETHING FUN.

Well, I’ve been testing out my cutting skills on watermelons and pineapples. And guess what! I don’t mind it! I’m shocked that I’ve done this more than once. Seriously. Making food kills me.

Literally. I die every single time. Luckily, I come back to life right after it happens. It’s very strange. In my head, I imagine that everybody else hates it as much as I do.

Of course, some people tell me that I think differently than most people. I don’t believe them.

So yes! I cut large shelled fruit! Well…it’s not a shell. Peel? Rind, I guess? Why are there so many names for the fruit skin?

Like, there are orange and banana peels. For some reason, the watermelon has a “rind.” And it looks like the pineapple just calls it the skin.

Can’t we just have one name for all this stuff? Like, Fruit Shield? Or Fruit Wall? Or Annoying Part Keeping Me From Sweetness?

How did people even find out there was fruit inside? I mean, maybe a watermelon fell and broke open. But what is it about a pineapple that says, “Hey! Open me up for a sweet treat! I know I kinda look like a porcupine/hedgehog thing with funky hair, but I promise that you can touch me and not die!”

I still don’t completely trust them. When cutting a pineapple, I never know if they will just attack. It could happen! Pineapples could just be sitting there…waiting…and when we least expect it…Pina Colada Assault! Here’s manganese in your face!

That’s why I shoot my pineapples with an arrow first. From a safe distance. In the supermarket. Then bring it home.

I won’t be caught unawares. Sadly, I’m not allowed in most supermarkets anymore.

I’m off to skin the apple of pine.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the love apple

Did you go to the 28th annual tomato contest in Boston? WELL! Every year Mary Kassler and Bob Heiss test tomatoes on taste, firmness, color, and shape. I don't know why shape matters. Or color. Or firmness. Doesn't it just have to taste good?

And it's a tomato! They don't even taste good! Full disclosure, I don't actually like tomatoes. I like them only in ketchup flavor.

They even call the tomato the "love apple."

As much as I ADORE the term "love apple," I cannot give that name to the tomato. I actually can't think of anything except the apple that deserves to be called "love apple." Maybe a pineapple? Or banana? Strawberry, probably. Definitely NOT tomato.

I would never eat a tomato like an apple...unless, perhaps, I could not clearly see the produce display and only had blurry colors from which to pick. Then I might, accidentally, pick up a tomato and take a bite out of it. But the shape, color, and firmness would have to trick me. (Now I see why that's judged!)

But of course, that would only happen if my glasses fell into the river.

Which they did.

I was swatting at a bee near my head and BOOP! glasses flew off and into the river!

So if you are showering and some glasses fall out of the nozzle (that's a fun world), those are mine. Thanks.

If you do not return them, I will blame you for all mishaps involving love apples.

And by love apples, I mean gross tomatoes.

I'm off to squint at the produce.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj