the tag says irregular

I’m not as tense and nervous as you think. I may LOOK like I am, but I’m really not!

Over the years I realized something. I look like I’m not relaxed. EVER.

It's something else to add to the list of “irregularities” about my build. Don’t believe me? Here are many examples!

My size. My arms are too long. When I buy shirts that fit, the arms are too short. But if I buy a bigger size, it looks funny.

Also, my legs. I’m very bow-legged, so my knees will never touch! And it makes me walk funny.

I shake. I have tremors so it’s VERY HARD for me to thread a needle. That’s why I’m not a seamstress. Or a surgeon. (Also I’m too lazy for both.)

Guess what! I have a new oddity to add to the list! My shoulders! I found out that it looks like I’m stiff all the time. Apparently my shoulders sit higher than average, so when I’m standing totally relaxed, it still looks like I’m tense!

I found this out because every time I get a shot, the doctor tells me to relax my arm. I always say I am, but they don’t believe me! Trying to make my arm hang lower hurts my shoulder! It’s very strange.

Also, if I put my arms any lower, the sleeves will just look shorter, and really, nobody wants to see that much wrist-action.

It's a good thing shoulder pads aren't still hip like they were in the 80's. It would look like I was shrugging all the time. I would constantly look like I was saying, "Huh?"

Luckily, none of this bothers me. I’m like the irregular clothes at the store. Not everybody needs me, but when somebody does, I’m the perfect fit.

Wow…that’s almost poetic! I should write a Disney movie. I’ll call it “The Irregulars.” A group of misshapen clothes think nobody wants them until they find an oddly-shaped person who couldn’t live without them.

I already feel the tears forming.

I’m off to be TOTALLY RELAXED, even though I don’t look it.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj