that isn't very relaxing

I'm the kind of guy who loves to relax. If I could afford a day at the spa, you KNOW I would be there ready to be sootherated.

Since I cannot afford anything that fancy, I do listen to relaxing sounds online.

It's nice! They'll have birds chirping. Water babbling. Sometimes they have, like, wind chimes and stuff. Maybe a pan flute. I don't know if Zamfir is involved, but I secretly hope he is.

I was relaxing to some birds the other day and a lawnmower goes by! Two times!

How is that calming?!

Sure, sometimes it would be nice to have Zamfir drop that flute and chop it up with a lawnmower, but not while I'm sipping tea and eating crumpets!

I don't even know what a crumpet is! But I secretly hope that it is a cookie shaped like a trumpet.

Maybe my next relaxing night will go better. But I wouldn't be surprised if I'm listening to the sounds of the forest and a chainsaw goes by.

Because that's relaxing. Like an arrow to the knee.

I'm off to play my crumpet.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj