coffee in kandahar

Our troops need coffee! Well, not our troops, but Canada’s troops!

Wait…our troops need coffee too! I’m writing this in the United States, in case you didn’t know. Canada is north of me.

I don’t know much about the military. One of the military departments called me when I started looking into college. Maybe it was the Army? National Guard? I can’t remember. But they asked if I ever thought about joining. I told them that I probably wouldn’t be too good at it.

If you ever meet me, you’ll see why. I’m not very strong. I don’t even have the potential to be strong. I told them that.

They asked me what I liked to do, so I told them that I like to write. The guy on the phone said that they have a newspaper I could work on!

Can you imagine what our military would be like if I wrote for them?! Go ahead, read a few of these “articles” I write. Now, imagine these being written for our troops.

I’m pretty sure I’d be fired. Fast. That, or the world would think we’re fighting evil lightning wizards, laserbots, and diamond dragons every week on the Death Star. (Which we are, but they’re keeping it a secret.)

Untangently speaking, Canada has a coffee chain called “Tim Hortons.” That's Canadian for "Coffee." It’s pretty huge there. Turns out, they put some Tim Hortons with the Canadian troops in Kandahar! They were hoping to build more of them for future missions, but a spokesperson said they were “no longer required.”

WHAT?! That doesn’t even make sense! Coffee and donuts “no longer required?” Sounds to me like the enemy has infiltrated from within!

Laserbots have taken over the Canadian military and plans on eating all the donuts and drinking all the coffee for themselves leaving the troops to be drowsy and unsugared!

Then evil will win the war! I should have done my civic duty and joined the Canadian’s military newspaper. Then this wouldn’t be happening. I’d be, like, the Lois Lane of the Canadian military. Wait…I meant to say Clark Kent. Not Lois. I really need to fix my “Backspace” button.

I’m off to enlist some coffee.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj