need a new head

Did you hear that scientists might be able to give you a new head?! Yeah! Some neuroscientist figured out how to do a head transplant! 

I don’t know much about science, but this seems rather complicated. Like, how do you get into a situation where a new head would be helpful? I think they should call it a body transplant. Because, I figure, one head would have to be “alive” and that head would get a new body. 

Right? I’m not sure if that makes sense. Unless you just wanted to switch heads with somebody, then, by all means, get transplantery! 

Turns out scientists have been trying to do this for years! No kidding! They’ve been doing this to animals forever. Even succeeding in 1970! 

A head transplantologist took the head of one monkey and put it on another! He lived for 8 days after that! 

I can’t imagine animals being happy about being in the head transplant test group. Or maybe I’m wrong about that. Perhaps animals love it! 

Kangaroo: “I hope I’m in line for the head transplant!”

Horse: “What?! Why?”

Kangaroo: “Because, if they put a narwhal head on me, I would be unstoppable!”

Horse: “DUUUUUUDE! You’re totally right! I should get that! I could be a unicorn!”

Kangaroo: “Whatever! That’s so last year. This is the year of the Nargaroo!”

That’s actual audio from the animal research lab. I recorded it. Really…I did. 

I would put my head on something awesome. Like an ocelot. Or a hedgehog! And change my name to Sonic! 

Yeah…that would be cool. 

I’m off to head off.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj