vampires in poland

Archaeologists have found an old grave site. With vampires! That’s right! Vampires!

They were building a new road (not the archeologists, Poland's construction crews) and they found a bunch of skeletons. With no heads! Well, the heads were in there, but they were taken off the body and placed on their legs.

Turns out people used to do this to vampires because they figured that would prevent them from coming back from the grave. I think a beheading would keep most people from coming back from the grave.

See, back in the olden days, people would blame vampires for bad stuff. Like, if Jimmy had a bad crop, a vampire did it. Because…um…well, logic wasn’t really important. Vampires were just cranky and would cause plagues and droughts for funsies!

Even if there WERE really vampires, why would they plague you? Would they really want diseased blood?

And when they’re not in the mood for blood, wouldn’t they want some fresh rhubarb or arugula from your farm?

YES! They would! Why did these people not just say that when they were accused of being vampires?

Also, couldn’t they just say that if they actually had the power to plague tons of people, couldn’t they just NOT get decapitated? Or at least plague all the people who decided to arrest them?

It’s too bad that I wasn’t around then to be a vampire lawyer. I’m kind of a vampire expert. I stayed awake for most of the first Twilight movie.

I’d be Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Lawyer. Like a cross between Boston Legal and True Blood. Except awesomer. Because I would drive around in a rainbow Cadillac and have an adorable alien sidekick named El Even.

I’m off to habeas vampirus corpus.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj