library scam

Have you heard about this place called “The Library?”

It’s totally real. I don’t know if it’s legal to go there, but they have this great scam going.

I can “borrow” all sorts of stuff from them. They just give it to me! If I bring it back by a certain date, it’s totally free! If I’m late, there’s a fee, but that’s to be expected from any black market deal.

I’ve seen movies that have “Chop Shops.” They DON’T sell cutlery. They DO steal cars and sell parts to other people. If you need something in another state, they’ll get it to you for the right price.

This “library” does the same thing! I can go online and request a comic book. If my local library doesn’t have it, they get it from another one!

How crazy is that?! Again…all free! This is probably the LEAST profitable chop shop idea I’ve ever heard of, but I imagine that the late fees are expensive. Probably billions of dollars and maybe some sort of limb.

I don’t know, but I don’t want to risk a visit from a library enforcer. I’ve been to the library. People are scared to even talk in there. It’s eerily quiet. I can only imagine that we’re being watched. Mess up one book, and you’re “checked out.”

That’s what they call it there. Like when they say “sleepin’ with the fishes” in mob movies.

The library “Don” is somebody called “Dewey Decimal.” I don’t know if this person is even real, but Dewey keeps track of everything in EVERY library.

And if I’ve learned 2 things in my life, one is to never mess with anybody named Dewey.

The other is to stock up on jelly beans during Easter sales. Because that’s when they’re fresh.

If you can handle the fear, you should use this library, too. It’s a good deal. I don’t know how long they’ll last, but if you don’t tell the authorities, we could scam the system for a LONG time.

I’m off to get a book AND return it on time.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj