welcome to the fantasy

I would love to be rich. Not Rich the guy I work with. He’s cool and all, but I was actually talking about money-rich.

I would be a ridiculous rich person! I know this because of Neiman Marcus. Every year you probably see something in the news about their “Fantasy Gifts” that cost more money than they’re worth.

This year is no different. And if I had the money, I would totally buy all of these crazy things! Because it would be so much fun!

Like the Bespoke Global Falconry Companion for $150,000. This gift has everything you need if you are a falconer…er…like to falconate? Practice falconry? Whatever it is, when you are outside with your falcon, you probably always wish you had a backgammon board. (That’s included.) It also has a gold perch for your falcon. Even a cigar carrying case!

Because falconry practitioners love cigars and backgammons! The falcon is not included. But who needs a falcon? I mean, you’ll probably be too busy drinking Sunny D from your decanter (also included) to realize you’re falconless.

Don’t want to look like you own a falcon? How about the Ultimate Outdoor Entertainment System for $2,640,000! Get a 201-inch TV that hides underground! You can raise it from the grave with a remote and then start watching TV with your falcon. (Still not included, but should be.)

I don’t know how much I love that idea. Have you ever decided to sit down and watch TV and it takes a few seconds for the TV to actually get started? You’re in a rush to watch something and those 3 seconds are just killing you!

Imagine having to wait for the TV to dig itself out from your yard! I guess I could program my falcon to get the TV ready as I’m walking down my golden tower to my patio to watch TV. But where am I going to get a falcon?

Every gift really should just have a falcon come with it.

Oh, and yes, feel free to buy these items for me. I don’t have a yard or a falcon, but I’m pretty sure my neighbor wouldn’t notice a 201-inch TV on their property.

I’m off to start digging a 202-inch hole.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj