beware the power of cheese

So…um…what’s your name? Is it Cheese? I truly, madly, deeply hope not.

I just found out that the name “Cheese” (yes, people actually consider that as a viable name for a human baby) has had a 450% increase over the past year.

I can’t find the actual numbers, but it does say that out of every 500,000 parents, nine babies are named Cheese.

I do believe that is eight too many. I think one per 500,000 is an acceptable number of Cheese babies in the world. I understand there are some people who REALLY love cheese. Like, insanely love it.

For those few people, name your baby Cheese. I’m surprisingly ok with that.

But the rest of you! WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU NEED TO NAME YOUR BABY "CHEESE?"

Looking into strange baby names, fewer people named their children Superman than Cheese. Seriously. Cheese beat Superman! How does that even happen?!

I have no idea how to react to that news. Other names that are less popular, but still used, include Butterbean, Hotdog, and Elbow.

Now, I like creative names for kids. I don’t even mind different spellings of names. Or combining two names to make some strange new one. Whatever. They’re your kids.

But what happened this year to make Cheese so popular? Did I miss some big cheese-related occurrence? Is there a famous actress named Cheese? Did people forget that cheese is a dairy product and think it is a brand name of some orange or moldy snack?

The world confuses me sometimes. Almost as often as cheese does.

I’m off to be the cheese.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj