Monday, March 17, 2014

resume resuyou

Japan needs a ninja! I’m not kidding! Let me put down the actual job posting.

“Wanted: Part-time ninja for entry-level position. No experience required.”

What?! How awesome is that?! Guess who’s going to Japan? I’ll give you a hintMEEEEEEE.

The pay isn’t great. But I would be a ninja. They provide a black costume and a “book of secrets.” Then, I would teach children how to be little ninjas. No big deal. JUST THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE UNIVERSE.

I decided to get my resume in order so I could make this transition in life. And, as luck would have it, I found a handy article telling me what words I should and should not put on a resume!

For example, do NOT put these on your resume: best of breed (unless you’re applying for a dog job), team player (unless you’re applying for a football job), dynamic (unless you’re applying for a duo job), track record (unless you’re going for a jog job)

You should put these words (without parenthetical jokes): launched, under budget, created, volunteered

Oddly enough, my resume does not say any of these things. It says “I’m totally awesome and you should hire me to be a ninja.”

I’ve had the same resume for years. I think it will finally make sense when I send it to Japan. Now that I think about it, it has become clear why I did not get that public relations job at the United Nations. (But saying United Nations Public Relations if so much fun!)

I will now put “I’m totally awesome and you should hire me to be an under budget ninja.”

The job offers will come flooding in now.

I’m off to pack for Japan.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

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