Wednesday, July 9, 2014

fruit cutter 2: mangry

I thought I could cut fruit. I really, really did. I was prancing in a beautiful world full or cut pineapples and watermelons! Everybody was smiling and happy and dancing! I thought I could handle anything!

That overconfidence was my downfall. Into a descent of fruit salad fury.

First, the mango. The mango got me mangry. I tried a few different cutting techniques. Wanna know what you should do with a mango? NOTHING. It’s mostly pit! Or, whatever is in it! It’s only worth a small bite of fruit!

If you never had one, here’s an easy way to try it. Get a 2x4. Preferably a tougher wood. Like a Grey Ironback. Then take one banana and spread it around the 2x4 so you have a thin layer of fruit.

Then try to eat it. THAT is a mango.

After the mango mangling, I thought I would have some fun with fruit that I already loved. Bananas, strawberries, and pineapple. I thought, “I’ll make a fancy fruit salad!”

NOPE! Don’t do it! Cutting a strawberry is silly! You can just eat it as is. There is no reason to cut it into slices. You get, like, two slices. Don’t waste your time.

And bananas just go smoosh. The end.

See, you have to cut pineapples and watermelons because they have a thick shell. But bananas? NO! It’s not natural to cut them! You don’t have to!

The same with strawberries! It’s against nature!

You don’t want to fight nature, do you?

NO. YOU DON’T.

I’m off to eat fruit the way it is meant to be eaten at dictated by nature.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

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