Russia sent a satellite of geckos into space. They lost it for a few days, but it’s back. They did this to study the mating habits of geckos. In space. Because this is important research!
Here’s why this scares me. What if these geckos are mating in space and create new space geckos that can grow bigger than any gecko we’ve ever seen! Like, Godzilla sized!
Sound silly? These things happen! Just look at Godzilla!
There is a strong possibility that they will land on Earth and try to take over the planet with their sticky feet! They can climb up buildings and walls, so there is no way to keep them out!
They will demand that we make them our rulers using their adorable Australian accents. Then they’ll say, “15 minutes could save YOUR LIFE.”
Get it?! Because they’ll give us 15 minutes to submit to them. Geckos love to get things done in 15 minutes.
Also, who knows what happened when the satellite of love went missing! Do you know? I certainly don’t! It might have gone through a black hole that is connected to another dimension and a gecko baby was born there and evolved into a creature, let’s call it a Kaiju, that wants to get back to Earth and finds a way through a hole in the Pacific Ocean!
Then I’ll have to actually build my Jaeger (named Cafe Tortuga) to fight off these Kaiju who are only trying to come back home because we sent them into space to go on a date!
I’m sorry if this got a little scary. I didn’t mean to talk about giant geckos all day. But we live in scary times, so it’s better that you hear it from me than getting rumors from non-lizards on the street.
I’m off to save 15%. Or more.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
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