agriculture is children

The Department of Agriculture just put out a new study. Detailing the cost of raising a child.

Because your child is agriculture! According to the government. Actually, they're kinda right. I found out on the web of world wideness that agriculture is "the cultivation of animals, plants, fungi...used to sustain human life."

What are babies? FUNGI! No...wait...they are human life!

And what better way to sustain human life than by actual human life!

Raising a kid is EXPENSIVE! I could never afford it. For parents making $50,000 a year, it costs about $10,000! Just for one kid!

If I had that much money to spend on somebody a year, it would NOT be for my kid! It would totally be for me! And maybe my dragon. Named unicorn.

I know what you're thinking, "Doesn't the Department of Agriculture have a bunch of agencies and offices?"

Yes. They do. The one that specifically calculates the cost of a child is the Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion. Leading me again to ask the question, "WHO ORGANIZED OUR GOVERNMENT?!"

Is this a way to trick people? Would you EVER think to look for children in the Department of Agriculture: Subsection: Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion?

NO! Now if they had a Center for Candy and Awesome and Pizza and Cartoons and More Candy and Promotion and Agriculture...and Candy, THAT is where I would look for information about raising children.

In fact, I have decided to create that Department. I am also the President of that Department. You know what? I think I'll become the Presidents of ALL the Departments! Just to help the government make more sense. Because I ALWAYS make sense.

Maybe that will give me an extra $10,000 to buy comic books for me and my dragon.

I'm off to agricult.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

meal in a chip

Lay's, the potato chip people, have created a new chip that tastes like a BLT sandwich!

According to a review, they say that "the flavors of toasted bread, bacon, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise" were all tastable!

For some reason, the taste of potato was not clearly there. On a potato chip. I cannot explain that part.

If you are anything like me, which you probably are, you love this idea! Making sandwiches takes SOOOOO LONG!

First you have to put out the bread, THEN put some bacon on it, THEN put lettuce on it, THEEEEEEEEN put tomato on it!

Don't even get me started on frying the bacon or slicing a tomato!

This whole process could take hours. DAYS EVEN!

Using science and magic, Lay's put all the flavor you want into a simple-to-eat form!

Now if they could only make a spinach and peanut butter sandwich potato chip, my life would be complete. That would save me, like, 10 minutes every day.

That's, like, twenty years every year! THAT is a lot of time I could be spending watching cartoons!

Or napping! Because napping gives me fun dreams. Like yesterday, I had a dream I was a Green Lantern. It was AWESOME! Almost better than a potato chip.

I'm off to chip my potato.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj