humans phone home

Are you from Earth? Are you sure you’re from Earth? Are you totally, absolutely sure?

You shouldn’t be! There’s a new theory that says we humans who THINK we evolved here on Earth are totally wrong! I think only one person wrote this theory, but I love it.

Now, there are a lot of ideas about how life on Earth started. But this guy says that we were already fully evolved humans when we were put on Earth. And his reasons are totally awesome.

He says that we are on a 25-hour schedule. And for some reason, Earth is only 24! Where did that extra hour come from? Another planet!

Also, we must have evolved on a planet with less gravity. How else can you account for all the back problems humans have?

And that sun! He says that most everything on Earth loves the sun and doesn’t hurt them. But it’s always burning us and making us go blind and stuff!

Finally, humans get sick. If we evolved with all the bacteria on Earth, it shouldn’t bother us so much. But it does!

He says that we came from another planet. He isn’t sure if it was by choice or if we were put here as punishment. Like an intergalactic Australia.

Well, not now, but when it used to be a British prison.

It makes sense to me. I totally believe it. But, hey, I’m a believer.

I’m also a distant relative to a space renegade. My great, great, great, great (add a lot more greats) grandmother was Katana Midnight, the toughest smuggler in the universe. She once beat up a star. Not like a celebrity. AN ACTUAL STAR. She punched it and it just collapsed on itself and became a black hole.

That’s how my family rolls.

I’m off to find my home planet.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

robot revolution

Experts are pretty sure humans are done for. They say that robots will overtake us by 2100.

I don’t know if you think this is totally awesome or totally scary. I’m going to go with TOTALLY AWESOME!

Who cares if robots take over?! The world was getting so “human.” I mean, we all do these human things. Like work and move and stuff. What’s the point?

Once robots take over the world and start building new robots to replace old robots, we’ll be able to just sit and do NOTHING. How amazing will that be?!

We could be, like, pets to the robots! Do you ever look at your dog or your cat and think, “How loverly and lazily your life must be...ily! I wish that could be me...ily!”

Once robots take over, it CAN be you! We’ll play with balls of yarn and have automatic feeders and go for walks!

Instead of cat videos online, robots will post human videos of us doing crazy things! And do silly visual effects like adding lightsabers and stuff!

Okay…humans already do that without the aid of robots. I don’t know what that says about us…

Maybe they’ll build robot dragons and let me have one! That would be the coolest thing ever!

Now are you convinced to let the robots take over? I thought so. It’s going to be a good life.

I’m off to play with a ball of yarn.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj