candy, catsup, coins, and canada

What’s up with this?! How come all the good stuff happens in Canada?!

Seriously. I mean, I’ve praised Canada a million times for the amazing candy they sell there.

Sugar is practically the major food group in these United States! (At least, it is for me. It should be for you, too.) But for some reason, you can’t find a Wunderbar or a Coffee Crisp here. I have NO idea why.

Editor’s Note: If you never had a Wunderbar, find one. Imagine a Butterfinger and a Caramello having a baby. THAT is a Wunderbar. Also known as heaven.

Another Editor's Note: It's not a real baby. Don't eat babies.

If we’re not eating candy, we’re probably having potato chips. Lately, I’ve seen more and more catsup/ketchup chips in the United States. But I couldn’t find them for years. And even now that I CAN find them, none taste as good as the Canadian ones.

It’s weird that it took so long. I mean, we put catsup/ketchup on fries all the time. Why not chips?

But I digress. More than usual. The REAL reason I’m alliterating my headline comes down to money. Specifically…coins. Even morer specificallyer…Superman.

Canada is minting Superman coins! For his 75th birthday! Why isn’t the United States doing this?

If you don’t know, Superman was created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. Joe was born in Toronto, but Jerry was born in Cleveland! And Superman was created in Cleveland!

I think it’s only fitting to put Superman on every denomination of our currency. Presidents on bills are lame. Supermans on bills is AWESOME.

Can I order Superman coins from Canada? Sure. Would I rather get Superman from my ATM. YES!

At least Canada knows how to mint money!

I’m off to make it minter.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

reverse the polarity

Did you know that the sun is going to flip? Well, at least its magnetic field is going to flip. I’m not kidding! Look it up! This actually happens all the time! 

Scientists don’t really know WHY this keeps happening. Just that it does. Every 11 years. 

I know that’s a problem for you sun hikers. You really have to pay attention to which end north is on. Because you might just walk south when you think you’re going north. Even though north is the new south. Because, as we both know, south is so last hendecade. 

As to why you are hiking on the sun, that I cannot answer. Nor can you, because you already don’t exist because you are HIKING ON THE SUN.

So it's time to reverse the polarity! Don't worry, this is a good thing (because The Doctor does it) because this new north-south/south-north combo will cause the heliosphere to crinkle! The crinkle makes for a BETTER heliosphere! 

The crinkle will keep more cosmic rays from hitting us! This is good because cosmic rays hurt space probes. 

Unfortunately, it’s also kinda bad because cosmic rays created the Fantastic Four. If the FF aren’t around, Galactus might eat the planet. 

Hopefully Galactus doesn’t like crinkle cut heliospheres. I say heliospheres because I’m sure he LOVES crinkled potato chips.  

Crinkle fries are good, too. How come potato-based objects taste so much better crinkled? 

Oh! And smiley fries! The ones that look like a face! That’s a great idea. And dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. 

I bet that’s what Earth looks like to Galactus. A feast of smile fries and dino nuggets. 

If you don’t know who Galactus is, half of this hilarious blog is not funny to you. Just pretend you know who he is and laugh right now. A lot.

I’m off to reverse the polarity.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj