great deals in emails

I get a LOT of spam. The email, not the meatish stuff. Most of them are generic spammy things. But there are some I don’t quite understand.

Like keychains. I regularly get emails with the headline “Cheap Keychains!”

Really?! That’s what you’re going to sell me? Is there a huge market for keychains I don't know about?

Do you often think, “I wish I could order tons of keychains at a low price! I have so many keys! Each key DESERVES its own personal chain! Because keys always get jealous!”

If you do often think that, I have a spam folder full of emails just for you!

Also, I get a lot of emails trying to sell me ladies' watches. I’m not sure if I should be offended. I do have petite wrists, but I wouldn’t call them feminine.

They’re actually, in my opinion, the manliest wrists I’ve ever seen. They can life my hands without any effort.

Also, I can use a slap bracelet, like, 10 times before it hurts. That’s pretty manly!

Who needs a watch, anyway? Isn’t that what my phone is for? People haven’t worn watches since the fall of Rome! I think they found one on Romulus Augustulus! And we all know how good THAT worked out for him!

Odoacer: “Hey Romulus! What time is it?”

Romulus: “Looks like it’s 2:40.”

Odoacer: “WRONG! It’s time for Rome to fall! Loser!”

Romulus: “I don’t know. My watch still says 2:40.”

Odoacer: “And people wonder why Rome is falling.”

My old Latin teacher will find that hilarious. Or maybe not. I don’t think he ever found my humor funny. At least, my grades weren’t funny. (I didn’t do well in the Latins.)

I’m off to semper ubi sub ubi. (That’s all I remember from Latin.)

Enjoy Everything.

-dj