nuclear power at your fingertips

Or wrist, I guess. Because you can now have nuclear power in a watch!

YES! This is real! The Nuclear Watch provides "nuclear illumination for up to 25 years!" It's chock full of radioactive hydrogen atoms that light up the watch hands and the lines where all the numbers go.

And since this nuclear fission is just happening ALL THE TIME, everything stays lit up ALL THE TIME.

I'm not sure if I should be afraid or in awe of this thing. I mean, it's glowing. On you. Due to radiation. Which, I've HEARD, is bad for your wrist.

And all your other body parts, too.

I mean, this is literally a TICKING NUCLEAR TIME...piece.

The "Nuclear Regulatory Commission" says it's safe. I've never heard of the NRC. They claim they are real people. They just don't get much press. Nor do they get a health plan.

If I saw somebody wearing a watch that glowed with the power of radioactivity, I would not ask them for the time. I might catch a cold fusion or something. I don't want to risk that.

Have you ever had a cold? Think about that cold with FUSION added on to it!

I once had a case of cold fusion in middle school. It was not pleasant. History class was never the same again.

It is also the reason I never played football.

That, and the fact that in the four fundamental forces of nature, I'm total weak force. (This is, in fact, a totally hilarious joke because it has to do with radioactive decay. Look it up and you'll laugh. A lot. I promise.)

I'm off to check the time.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj