photon cupid

It’s the same old story. A single photon walks into a cloud of rubidium atoms on a cool night that’s only a few degrees above absolute zero. Another single photon walks into the same cloud. They bump into each other, fall in love, and leave together.

Wait! That’s not the same old story! It’s brand new because it’s never happened before! Photons never fell in love like this!

Usually photons aren’t interested in each other at all! They’re so self-absorbed that they just ignore each other. Science has been trying to figure out what song to play to get photons in the mood and bond as a single molecule. Turns out it’s Celine Dion…with rubidium atoms and freezing temperatures. But Celine helps.

So why all these (clever) jokes and (romantic) stories about photons? Because the scientists and researchers at MIT and Harvard say that this new matter is kinda like a lightsaber!

This means Star Wars is real and I am a Jedi Knight!

It really means that we could use this to make quantum computers. Which would be cool. Imagine your computer being better than Batman’s computer. THAT is why we want quantum computers.

Also, imagine a lightsaber.

My Halloween costume is going to be so good this year. You’ll be so jealous when you see me with a real lightsaber.

Unless you’re a Sith. Then you won’t be jealous, you’ll just be scared. Because I’m, like, an awesome Jedi. Better than awesome, even.

I’m off to get some photons and rubidium atoms in a cold room.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

nuclear power at your fingertips

Or wrist, I guess. Because you can now have nuclear power in a watch!

YES! This is real! The Nuclear Watch provides "nuclear illumination for up to 25 years!" It's chock full of radioactive hydrogen atoms that light up the watch hands and the lines where all the numbers go.

And since this nuclear fission is just happening ALL THE TIME, everything stays lit up ALL THE TIME.

I'm not sure if I should be afraid or in awe of this thing. I mean, it's glowing. On you. Due to radiation. Which, I've HEARD, is bad for your wrist.

And all your other body parts, too.

I mean, this is literally a TICKING NUCLEAR TIME...piece.

The "Nuclear Regulatory Commission" says it's safe. I've never heard of the NRC. They claim they are real people. They just don't get much press. Nor do they get a health plan.

If I saw somebody wearing a watch that glowed with the power of radioactivity, I would not ask them for the time. I might catch a cold fusion or something. I don't want to risk that.

Have you ever had a cold? Think about that cold with FUSION added on to it!

I once had a case of cold fusion in middle school. It was not pleasant. History class was never the same again.

It is also the reason I never played football.

That, and the fact that in the four fundamental forces of nature, I'm total weak force. (This is, in fact, a totally hilarious joke because it has to do with radioactive decay. Look it up and you'll laugh. A lot. I promise.)

I'm off to check the time.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

bow down to the tax master

I finally did my taxes. It was awesome.

And I did it in just under 2 hours!

WHAAAAAAAAT?!

That's right. I ripped through those taxes like a sword through a hydrogen atom. What...you don't split atoms when you're swording? Well, not everybody can be as good a sworder as I am.

Maybe I should open a swording school and teach people my mystical talents in sword mastery. Soon you too could split the atom with a swipe of your sword!

Sure there will be some nuclear fission going on, but that's no biggie. That happens all the time. It's like sunshine. It's just there.

Do I need to claim nuclear fission on my taxes? I don't remember a box for that.

I did claim my sword as a dependent.

Because it is awesome and the government should know that.

I'm off to make up a refund.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj