50 other areas

Area 51 exists! The CIA has finally acknowledged its existence! Because, I guess until recently they weren’t sure it existed?

I don’t really know what that means. Everybody else knew it existed. Really. They did. It was on Google Maps. I could literally already get there in 40 hours using toll roads.

I could even walk or use a bicycle! Google Maps already told me how!

Still, the CIA wasn’t convinced. Another thing that could have helped them find it would have been a tour. Because you can actually get bus tours to Area 51 already! Members of MY OWN family went there once. They have pictures! I will show the CIA the scrapbook if it helps!

Yes! There’s a scrapbook! Can’t get more existy than that!

These new documents DO say that Area 51 is kind of boring. No aliens or anything. They tested spy planes and stuff. Something about U2 and oxcarts.

I don’t know if U2 was performing shows on oxcarts in the desert, but if they were, Bono’s secret is out.

Apparently nobody wanted to work there, either. President Eisenhower had to trick people into working in the middle of the desert. He called it “Paradise Ranch.”

Seriously. He did. Now, if you were going to a place called Paradise Ranch in the Las Vegas area, what kind of place do you think you’d be going to?

Yeah, me too! But I guess it's not a school where they train you to be a rhinestone cowboy. I guess I bought these glitter chaps for nothing.

Oh well. I hear there is a ranch of bunnies in Las Vegas. Maybe I can go there instead. I like bunnies. Maybe they’re cowboy bunnies. That would be adorable.

I’m off to acknowledge my existence.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj