cuttlefish instagram

Researchers at the University of Buffalo know what’s important! They have been working on making Wi-Fi available…UNDERWATER!

Ever heard of a tweeting fish? You will now!

Sorry, that was a bad joke. But you should know, most of the jokes are bad. Deal with it.

Imagine having Facebook everywhere you go! You could be on your yacht and sail for days and never have to worry about missing a post.

Just think of the selfies you could post on Instagram! “Me in the Atlantic! #oceanfun #selfie #bluewater” Or “Me in the Pacific! #selfie #beautifulday #whatsthatfinbehindme”

Granted, they’re not doing this so you can play with your phone on every inch of the world. They say there are practical reasons, too.

Mostly because Aquaman is bored and the only member of the Justice League NOT on Facebook. Partly because it could actually help with tons of research about our oceans.

Also, for safety reasons! It could help detect a tsunami or other strange underwater disasters.

Like, if you follow a shark on Twitter, you’ll know what beach to avoid. (I warned you about the jokes!)

They did say this could be used for many things like “helping law enforcement track drug traffickers to protecting the ocean’s inhabitants.”

Yep! After many years working with the DEA (not true), I know that traffickers love posting selfies WITH location services ON!

“Smooth sailing and sunny days! #selfie #hash #dealer #cuteoutfit”

He was easy to catch.

I’m off to FishFaceBook.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the seas they are a-changin'

There's some issue with carbon dioxide. Like, we have lot of it. And it's causing all sorts of crazy changes in the ocean.

Science is always wondering, "Will changes in the atmosphere create giant sea creatures that will attack the humans and take over the world? And will they be led by Aquaman or Namor? Or Poseidon?"

At least, that's what I hear Science asking all the time. You might not, but you would if you hung out with Science like I do! We went to the park the other day and that was the question Science asked all day! That and, "How come you're so awesome?"

Science can't answer that question, but they CAN answer the first one! By testing things! FOR SCIENCE!

It turns out crabs will evolve into GIANT CRABS because of the increased carbon dioxide! Being giants, they will be hungry and eat all the oysters.

Then they'll probably eat people. Because peoples are kinda like oysters. Especially the peoples who wear pearls (ladies)!

ALSO! After watching the purple (one of my favoritest colors and the color of my new belt...but don't get me started on belts) sea urchin eat more carbon dioxide, Science found out it can totally mutate into...a purple sea urchin THAT COULD TOLERATE HIGHER CARBON DIOXIDE LEVELS.

How scary is that?!

Not scared yet? Try THIS nugget of facting on for size: purple sea urchins hang out with sea otters a lot. Can you imagine a group of angry purple sea urchins getting mad and asking their sea otter friends to attack all the humans left without pearls?!

It would be the cutest attack in history!

Then the sea otters and crabs would fight for world domination!

I hope the sea otters win. And that the purple sea urchins like me. Because I like purple. So don't eat me.

I'm off to check my carbon dioxide.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

going on a sea quest dsv

I don't know why the government is so huffy about going on a sea quest. Okay...I can...there were a LOT of issues on that Deep Submergence Vehicle (DSV).

But think of all the amazing creatures we'll find when we finally get the sea quest going!

Like the first images of the Fur Lows! We don't have any official pictures of them yet! At least, I can't find anything about them on Wikipedia. But I imagine that their fur is so low because it's wet all the time. Because of the sea being all watery.

Also, we can colonize all the cool places underwater! I mean, shouldn't we done colonizing the ocean by now? The United Earth Oceans Organization needs to be created by 2017 and that deadline is coming up fast!

We know what movies are coming out in 2017! Shouldn't we already have a DSV!

Okay...I know this is only (sorta) funny to people who were fans of seaQuest DSV in the early 90s. But seriously, I keep thinking about that show when they talk about the government's sequestration.

Actually, if you want me to be totally honest, I think of it as a combination of seaQuest AND Equestrians.

So I imagine a Deep Submergence Vehicle piloted by horses. Plagued by bad ratings because your competition is Murder, She Wrote.

That last part I only started imagining because I was wondering why the show went off the air. But it makes the "monster of the week" they fight more hilariouser when it's Angela Lansbury.

OH! I should pitch that as a show! seQuestration DSV 2032! Each week a group of horses explore the depths of the ocean and fight monsters only to find that the underwater world is controlled by an evil Atlantean queen PLAYED BY Angela Lansbury!

Special guest star: Aquaman!

Sometimes I have no idea I'm going to have a great idea. Then it just happens.

I'm off to Quest the sea.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj