cruise for a living

Did you know there is a cruise ship that people live on? They have apartments and just live their life on this boat!

My dad loves cruises. I could see him living on a ship for the rest of his life. I don’t know if he knows about this boat. But he will now! (If he reads this. He might not.)

This boat has 165 apartments on it. You buy one and then you live there. It’s called “The World.” It has a deli, restaurants, a grocery store, movie theater, library, and so much more!

Then...IT JUST CRUISES! On the ocean! It stops at ports for a few days if you want to go out somewhere. It stocks up on food and supplies. Then goes out again!

That’s it! Always cruising!

A studio apartment costs about $600,000. Suites are $13,500,000. And there are monthly home-owner fees.

It’s possible that price is the reason my dad doesn’t live there yet. I’m hoping to becoming rich one day so I can buy him a room.

But still! You can live on a boat forever! Every few days you’re in a new place!

I wonder if they need any employees. I mean, I could run a library…ON A BOAT. If somebody doesn’t return their book on time, I don’t have to go far to find them. THEY ARE STUCK ON A BOAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN!

Don’t try stealing a book from MY library. I will track you down even if I have to walk all the way from starboard to port. Then I will throw you in the brig! Unless you pay "The Late Fees of the Seven Seas." (If you say that like a pirate, it sounds cooler.)

OH! They are hiring people! I just looked at their website! They need a Sous Chef. I could totally fake being a Sous Chef. I have no idea what the word “sous” means, but I’m sure I can sous like crazy. I will actually put that I have my doctorate in sous. They could call me Dr. Sous.

I’m off to sous on a boat. And I will sous in a coat.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

on your way out

This is the email I got from my mother this morning:

"Hi,

Here is the music I want for my funeral.

Be Not Afraid
Hosea
Ave Maria
When the Saints Go Marchin' In

They may give you a hard time about the last one, but I really want it sung on my way out.  (bad pun!)

Have a nice day!!!

Love,
Mom"

Sooooooooo...that's my mom! She is pretty amazing. I mean, seriously, who decides that their last moments above ground should be a bad pun?!

MY MOTHER DOES! So if you ever wondered why I turned out the way I did, this should reveal A LOT.

It's a rare day that you wake up, go to work, and check your email to find a message from your mother about her funeral.

Best part? Ending it with "Have a nice day!!!" Not one, not TWO, BUT THREE exclamation points!

Still no email from Dad about his songs. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care about any songs at his funeral. Or a funeral in general. He probably just wants his ashes put on a cruise ship that travels the world.

He loves cruises. I think it's the towel animals that make it so much fun for him. Or maybe that's me.

I love my parents. I don't think they know how NOT to be amazing. And hilarious.

Hopefully you get emails about funeral mix tapes from your parents, too.

If not, you should write one to them. Trust me. They'll find it funny.

I'm off to march the saint in.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj