no taxation on chocolatification

I was such a huge fan of France. I mean, for almost a whole week I couldn't stop writing about them! For me to be excited about something for a WHOLE WEEK is pretty impressive!

With all their gastronomy fairs and towers and chocolate-marshmallow bears and dijon! Who couldn't love France?!

Turns out I can't. Because of the "Nutella Tax."

Go ahead. I'll wait for the GASP...GASP!

France is worried about the obesity problem. YES! The place where there is a WHOLE FAIR DEDICATED to EATING FOOD.

The place where they celebrate marshmallow bears COVERED IN CHOCOLATE.

The place where people CHUG MUSTARD because it's all dijony!

Ok...that last one might not be true. But it SOUNDS true.

They want to put taxes on taxes on taxes for palm oil. An ingredient in Nutella.

If that's the way France wants to play, then I don't want any part of it. I do know that if this DOES happen, we'll probably have thousands of French people coming to America where the Nutella flows like the mighty Mississippi.

Well, at MY house it does. Because I built a mountain out of chocolate and I pour Nutella down it every day to make Nutella rivers. Sometimes I put little candy boats on it. If the sun is out, you might even get a chocolate rainbow.

I love chocolate rainbows.

I'm off to chug mustard.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

fifty years of oursons guimauve

Chocolate-covered marshmallow teddy bears have just turned 50. The French LOVE them. I know that because I saw the headline that said "Why the French Love Chocolate Bears."

When I saw that headline, I got very excited. In my head, this was a full-size bear made of chocolate. That told me stories at night. And didn't mind when I would eat its giant chocolate arm.

These little oursons guimauveses might be fantastic. The French think they are BEYOND fantastic. Actually saying it "is like Marcel Proust's madeleine cake that launched his voyage into the remembrance of things past."

From what I gather, Proust had some sort of magic cake that would cause him to remember things when he was a child.

Like if your grandmother always had a milano cookie ready for you after dinner, you might remember those dinners as soon as you bite into a milano cookie.

Or if you walk into a house that smells like the cottage you went to when you were younger, you immediately feel like you're back there.

THAT is the Marcelian Proustian reference. Which isn't great. Because that means if you DO eat an oursons guimauve, you are going to write 3,200 pages of memories about 2,000 people and die before you finish your edits.

Is that really the reference the French should use? Really? How about, "It's like the Eiffel Tower in your mouth!"

Or, "Tastes better than the Louvre on a Sunday!"

NOPE! Those French have to go and make a literary reference!

There's always so much ado about nothing in France. Whatever...all's well that ends well, right?

Wanna hear my literary reference? Oursons guimauve are like the Guardians of the Galaxy teaming up with the Avengers to stop the Skrulls from taking over the Earth.

THAT is how you get literary!

I'm off to oursons guimauve.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the colors of honey

I love honey. And I never thought it could get better, but France has figured out a trick to make a honey rainbow! Honey Rainbow would be a great name for a 60's folk musical act.

Actually...Honey Rainbow would be a great name for anything. You should name your next child Honey Rainbow. You'll thank me later.

In le France, bees love nectar. And by nectar, I mean M&M sugar! They've been eating colored sugar from the candy factor and using it to make their honey!

The honey is coming out green and blue! This is the greatest thing to hit honey since the pot!

For some reason, the honey-dealers aren't selling it. They say that it tastes like honey. It just has a different color.

Sooo...what's the problem? I don't know if they're just being stubborn, but they should sell it. Honestly, tell me, you'd buy all of it if you could, right?! It's green honey!

How is that NOT the coolest thing ever?!

What is wrong with French beekeepers?!

I'm going to go to Franceland and DEMAND that they sell it to me. If they say no, I will call upon my bee army to attack them.

Those bees worked HARD for that blue honey! They thought, "Wouldn't it be so nice of us to give our beekeeping friends something new to sell? To make them MORE MONEY than they've ever seen in their life?"

And those ungrateful beekeepers won't even sell it. That is an INSULT to the bees.

Bees don't like to be treated that way. They would protest with the music stylings of Honey Rainbow, but the time for peace has past.

I wants my green honey. And the bees want to attack.

I'm off to lead the bee-ttalion. (tee hee)

Enjoy Everything.

-dj