putting the magic in cicadas

There’s a lot of news about the “cicada onslaught” that is coming soon. Should you be worried?

YES! You should! These aren’t your ordinary cicadas! They are magicicadas! Called that because they know how to use MAGIC!

Cicadas are odd little bugs. They mate, then go underground and plot for 17 years (some for 13), then come back up and mate again. It’s really pretty cool. They varied their breeding enough that cicadas pop up almost every year.

BUT! Magicicadas are a special breed of cicada that have been to Hogwarts and grow under the whomping willow.

This year, they estimate that at least 30 million magicicadas will emerge on the east coast! If they climb on top of each other, they could make it to the moon and back! Which cicadas love to do!

How do they attract a mate? They shake their abdomen. It’s super loud.

When I shake my abdomen, it does not attract mates. It usually gets me arrested. It DOES work for magicicadas, though. Which makes me think that Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars MIGHT be magicicadas.

On a slightly unrelated, but just as scary, note, giant snails have invaded Houston. So, even if you wanted to leave the east coast, you’ll probably bump into a giant snail.

And if you remember, snails have teeth and will eat your car. And sometimes they fly and will eat your plane (if you are trying to fly to the west coast).

I don’t have any proof of flying snails, but I’m sure snails dream about flying. Are there any flying, shelled creatures? If not, I should invent one. Like a flying turtle. Oh! I think I have a new favorite imaginary (soon maginary) animal!

I’m off to put my shell and wings on.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the fly of butter

Did you know that last Thursday was Learn About Butterflies Day? I know this because I have a pet butterfly that takes me on trips around the world.

I'm not tiny. The butterfly is actually huge. Like, airplane size. So it's a super comfy trip. Her name is Fufluns. She is magic.

Upon Fufluns' request, I started to think about how cool it is that a caterpillar turns into a butterfly! Have you REALLY sat down to think about this?! It LITERALLY becomes a new insect!

I know I say "literally" a lot. Especially when I mean figuratively but want to be more dramatic. This is NOT one of those times!

The caterpillar is born and has the BEST LIFE EVER because all it does is eat. THEN it forms the chrysalis by shedding its skin. YES. It just pushes its skin OFF.

Then, inside this chrysalis, it becomes goo and decides to completely reform itself into a TOTALLY NEW WINGED CREATURE. Can we take a moment to just wonder how incredible this is?

Can you imagine just shedding your skin into a case around you, turning to goo, and reforming your entire body into something else!

WHAT?! That's so crazy!

And why stop at wings?! I would give myself wings, a tail, a mane AND laser hands!

I don't know if that's biologically possible, but really, I'm caterfly goo, I do what I want.

I just wanted to make sure you knew that this happened in the world. Because, honestly, it's pretty, totally, incredibly radical.

I'm off to flutter by with a butterfly.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

viva la wrinkle resistance

NOT that it's any of your business, but I was shopping for underwear the other day. (You ARE getting personal, aren't you?) In the underwear section, I found "wrinkle-resistant" boxers.

Trust me, I'm a HUGE fan of any clothing that will resist a wrinkle. It's amazing! I don't know what magical spell they put on the clothes, but it's SUPER helpful.

Ironing is hot and dangerous. And it NEVER comes out right. Because of the sleeves! That's the worst! If you accidentally iron a wrinkle INTO the shirt? It's there FOREVER.

I can honestly say that I've never ironed my underwear. Like, ever. I guess I never found the need. I mean...nobody sees it, right?

Well, some people might see a little. I wear my pants kinda baggy, so the underwear peeks out the top. Not because I think it's cool. It's just way more comfortable that way. And because I can't afford a belt.

So are people looking at my undies saying, "Oh My Gosh! Do you see the wrinkles on those underwears? I bet he never irons them. Probably doesn't iron his socks either. How can somebody leave the house looking so unsmooth?!"

How long can an ironed pair of underwear actually stay smooth? Don't you sit down? You HAVE to sit at least ONCE in a day, right? Isn't that going to wrinkle them?!

I just don't get it! Nor do I see the need. I'm not going to walk around in my undies at a fancy party.

Unless it's a fancy underwear party. Then I guess it's important. If there is one, I'm ready. Because I bought the undies. What can I say? I love a lack of wrinkles!

I'm off to iron my undies.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

magic with sprinkles

People in 1936 were very spoiled. And I'm SO glad they were!

Toast was not good enough for them. Toast is one of the most magical foods EVER. It's not just "cooked bread." Nope, bread goes through a complete genetic change and becomes toast in a magical machine called a "toaster."

It's the only food I eat that changes its name when heated.

Well...magic wasn't enough for people in 1936. NOPE! They said, "Wow...this toast is pretty magical, but wouldn't it be more magical with sprinkles?"

And the world said YES!

They created chocolate sprinkles to put on toast. You got it! THAT is the reason we have chocolate sprinkles today.

So the next time you get some ice cream with chocolate sprinkles, stare deeply at the sprinkles settling on that mound of ice cream and say, "Thank you toast. Without you, these scoops of ice cream would be less sprinkly and more melty."

Say it really loudly, too. It will be funny. And educational to all the people who do not know the history of the chocolate sprinkle.

I think if I were a pony, I would like to change my name to Chocolate Sprinkle. Or Toast.

Both are pretty awesome.

I'm off to sprinkle my toast.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj