photon cupid

It’s the same old story. A single photon walks into a cloud of rubidium atoms on a cool night that’s only a few degrees above absolute zero. Another single photon walks into the same cloud. They bump into each other, fall in love, and leave together.

Wait! That’s not the same old story! It’s brand new because it’s never happened before! Photons never fell in love like this!

Usually photons aren’t interested in each other at all! They’re so self-absorbed that they just ignore each other. Science has been trying to figure out what song to play to get photons in the mood and bond as a single molecule. Turns out it’s Celine Dion…with rubidium atoms and freezing temperatures. But Celine helps.

So why all these (clever) jokes and (romantic) stories about photons? Because the scientists and researchers at MIT and Harvard say that this new matter is kinda like a lightsaber!

This means Star Wars is real and I am a Jedi Knight!

It really means that we could use this to make quantum computers. Which would be cool. Imagine your computer being better than Batman’s computer. THAT is why we want quantum computers.

Also, imagine a lightsaber.

My Halloween costume is going to be so good this year. You’ll be so jealous when you see me with a real lightsaber.

Unless you’re a Sith. Then you won’t be jealous, you’ll just be scared. Because I’m, like, an awesome Jedi. Better than awesome, even.

I’m off to get some photons and rubidium atoms in a cold room.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

fields of gold

Want to grow some gold? You can! Science has created plants that will give you gold!

Okay, it's not like you're planting a gold ring and then a gold tree will bloom. Well, it might. I don't know for sure. You should try it just in case!

Plants are pretty amazing. They do this thing called phytomining. When they do that, they pull up metal from the soil into the plant when they're growing. So, when they're sucking up nutrients, cadmium might come up as well!

Plants that do this are (awesomely) called hyperaccumulators. I want that hyperaccumulators!

Me: "How can I run even faster than fast? My new shoes make me run really, really fast. But I want even faster!"

Merchant: "What you need is a hyperaccumulator! I have three in stock! It will cost you 20 Rupees."

Me: "Deal!"

Dah dah dah daaaaaaaah! (Somebody might get that joke.)

Scientists are hard at work to make a mustard plant that will phytomine gold. Then, you won't have to go into caves for gold. You just go to your mustard plant and eat the gold!

On a side note, I do tons of research for every article I write.  (That's not entirely true.) I looked up Sting's "Fields of Gold" song online and found the CD insert for the single. So...why is Sting holding a lightsaber in the picture?

Is Sting a Jedi?! That would totally make sense! I can't believe I never guessed that before!

With songs like "Message in a Bantha" and "Every Little Thing She Does Is the Force," how could he NOT be a Jedi!

My mind may or may not have just blown.

I'm off to hyperaccumulate.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

stir the peanut butter young padawan

Okay. Some of you may know that I'm all about eating all-natural and organic food and stuff like that. I tell myself that it's healthy for me or something.

ONE thing I could NEVER get over was peanut butter. I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER! SOOOOOOO MUCH! It's soooooooo good.

BUT! The natural stuff needs a good stirring. And I HATE that! I could NOT deal with it. Have you ever tried to stir peanut butter? It's like trying to push a mountain across a tar pit with the Hulk AND Superman pushing back at you while badgers and skunks bite your feet.

So I did some research and some guy found the solution. He even has a patent for his idea! SO DON'T GIVE ME CREDIT!

Flip the jar upside down. Then put it in the fridge. And every morning, you flip it over. It works about 86% of the time! It's so simple and SO GENIUS! Now I can buy organic peanut butter!

And you can too!

If you want to. I won't force it. I will force you to eat peanut butter. I will also use the Force to force you to eat it. I know that's kinda Dark Sidey of me. I won't use the Force if you have an allergy, though. That's a little more Jedi-like. If you do have said allergy, may I suggest almond butter. Or cashew butter. Or soy nut butter. Or Nutella.

If you are allergic to ALL of those things...I would suggest not eating any of them.

I would otherwise suggest riding a pony. Because that's fun. And Darth Vader likes them.

I'm off to ride the pony.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

buh buh buh buuuuh buuuuuuh!

If you didn't know, THAT is from Star Wars! NOW IN 3D! That's right! It starts today! Well...tonight...well...officially TOMORROW at exactly 12:01am.

IN 3D!

I know people don't care about Episode One. It's not the greatest, but I'm pretty sure it's better than any other movie coming out this weekend.

Yes. Even better than "The Vow." I know that has Channing Tatum, but he's not in 3D, so it's not worth it.

I'm so excited to see light sabers in 3D! That will be EPIC!

I saw somebody throwing out a light saber the other day! It was sitting on the top of their trash can! Who does that?!

That is super dangerous. What if a raccoon, untrained in the Jedi arts, goes through that trash? Can you imagine what kind of destruction that will cause?!?!

I guess light sabers aren't recyclable. That's a shame. You would think they could have figured that out.

Granted, I can't even get rid of my recycling. My town needs money and many documents that I cannot supply to. You would THINK they'd WANT me to save the earth. Like a recycling Jedi Knight. I guess not...

But if anybody knows where I can get rid of my recycling, no questions asked, please contact me discreetly.

I'm off to show a raccoon the force.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj