photon cupid

It’s the same old story. A single photon walks into a cloud of rubidium atoms on a cool night that’s only a few degrees above absolute zero. Another single photon walks into the same cloud. They bump into each other, fall in love, and leave together.

Wait! That’s not the same old story! It’s brand new because it’s never happened before! Photons never fell in love like this!

Usually photons aren’t interested in each other at all! They’re so self-absorbed that they just ignore each other. Science has been trying to figure out what song to play to get photons in the mood and bond as a single molecule. Turns out it’s Celine Dion…with rubidium atoms and freezing temperatures. But Celine helps.

So why all these (clever) jokes and (romantic) stories about photons? Because the scientists and researchers at MIT and Harvard say that this new matter is kinda like a lightsaber!

This means Star Wars is real and I am a Jedi Knight!

It really means that we could use this to make quantum computers. Which would be cool. Imagine your computer being better than Batman’s computer. THAT is why we want quantum computers.

Also, imagine a lightsaber.

My Halloween costume is going to be so good this year. You’ll be so jealous when you see me with a real lightsaber.

Unless you’re a Sith. Then you won’t be jealous, you’ll just be scared. Because I’m, like, an awesome Jedi. Better than awesome, even.

I’m off to get some photons and rubidium atoms in a cold room.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

exit, pursued by a sith

Do you love Shakespeare?! Do you love Star Wars?! If so, I have a treat for you!

I just found out that somebody took “Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope” (the very first Star Wars movie that was released in 1977) and rewrote it in the style of…

SHAKESPEARE!

Yes! This is so profoundly epic that I can barely keep my insides from becoming my outsides! And vice versa!

It’s called “William Shakespeare’s Star Wars: Verily, A New Hope.” I found excerpts online and it’s magnificent.

I love Shakespeare and Star Wars. They’re both awesome. Ian Doescher realized that I would buy this and decided to write it. Just for me. Luckily, other people have awesome taste and it will probably be a best seller for a million, billion, quadrillion, flubillion years!

Ian made everything into iambic pentameter. If you know poetry, you know what that means. If you don’t, it doesn’t matter. Just know that Shakespeare approves.

Even R2-D2’s beeps are written in meter. It’s…I just don’t have the words. This makes me so excited.

This will sit on your shelf next to all those other Shakespeare classics like A Hoth Tale, A Midsummer Night's Disturbance in the Force, The Merchant of Vader, Han-let, Much Alderaan About Nothing, etc...

The only thing that could make me even mored exciteder would be if someone actually used this script to put on a play.

If you do that, call me forever until I answer my phone and please, please, please cast me in your show! I will do anything to be in it!

Buy the book. Read the book. Then buy it for me. Or you can buy one for me first. I’m cool with that.

I’m off to a “star-crossed galaxy far, far away.”

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

use the force to petition

Did you know that you can make a petition for ANYTHING?! Seriously! The government just lets you post it online and if you get 25,000 signatures, they have to respond to you!

Is it just me, or is this a great waste of the government's time? I mean, there have to be THOUSANDS of ridiculous petitions on there. And with people able to share things to millions of other people instantly, you can probably get 25,000 signatures before lunch time.

YES! Lunch time! Maybe not my lunch time because I eat lunch early. But normal people lunch. Like, 12pm EST. I generally eat lunch around 12pm EDT. No...wait...reverse that...I think.

I eat lunch early because I wake up early. Yeah. That's a simpler way to put it.

One person petitioned the government to make a Death Star. Just like the one from Star Wars. It got over 35,000 signatures. Therefore, we have to build one.

No...wait...I have that wrong. That means they have to RESPOND to it! And I encourage you to find the response because it's amazing. It's from Paul Shawcross. The (get ready, it's a long title) Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget.

Turns out it would cost $850 quadrillion. YEP! Quadrillion!

According to Paul, we have "a President who knows his way around a light saber." I mean, I saw pictures of Obama wielding a light saber, but I thought they were fake! Now I know they are real! And since he was riding a unicorn in one of those pictures, I also now know that unicorns are real and the President has a whole stable of them!

Sadly, there will be no Death Star. Paul says that we already have an International Space Station. Which doesn't blow up planets, but does allow us to float. Eh...I guess that's pretty cool.

I'm off to write a few (hundred) petitions.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

all you need is honey

Did you hear about this?! Some guy nursed a bumble bee back to health. With honey!

Yes! He saw the bee on the ground looking pretty awful. He put a little honey on his hand and picked up the bee and it started eating! Then, it started eating more and getting stronger and was healthy again!

How amazing is that?! Even if it's fake, I don't care!

I may or may not have a degree in medical doctoriness, but I think this could change medical science forever!

I'm going to go to the hospital and have everybody drink honey. Then, when everybody is cured of everything, we will have a party. With a water slide.

I wonder if water slides work if you put honey on them instead of water? A honey slide. Hmmm...I may have to try that.

Oh! And there will bee (did that on purpose for funniness) a pool filled with honey! Honey pools are the best! Unless you like big splashes with your cannonballs. Then they're not so good.

But if you want a good upper-body workout, do laps in a honey-filled pool. A few of those and you could have the strength of a bee! A bee with the POWER OF HONEY!

I think bees and I have a lot in common. Bees love honey and I love honey.

Okay, so it's only one thing in common, but it's a BIG thing in common.

Maybe I should get a pet bee. We could eat honey together, watch Star Wars, fly kites, make prank calls to the United Nations (Hey Ban Ki-moon, is that your cell phone buzzing? NO IT'S MY BEE! *hang up* hahaha!)...oh the fun we would have!

I'm off to put honey in my hands and adopt a bee.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

cinco de mayo comic de moono

Wow! The number 5 is great! And it's even greaterer when it comes in May this year!

I found out that May 5 is called "The "Revenge of the Fifth" because the fourth is Star Wars day. And one day isn't enough to celebrate Star Wars. Are you getting excited? I am! But that's just the beginning!

Saturday is FREE COMIC BOOK DAY!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday night we will have the BIGGEST FULL MOON OF THE YEAR!

WHAT?!?!?!?!

Can this much awesomnisity happen at the same time?!

The answer to that question is YES. The Supermoon (a perfect name for Free Comic Book Day) will be extra-big and extra-bright and extra-moony.

It will be as close as the moon can get. You might be able to touch it if you stand on your tippy toes.

So if you thought NOTHING was happening this weekend, think again. And then think one more time. And once more just for funsies.

Now stop thinking! And get the Star Wars and comic books ready!

And get your moons ready!

It's gonna be a good weekend.

I'm off to touch the moon.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

buh buh buh buuuuh buuuuuuh!

If you didn't know, THAT is from Star Wars! NOW IN 3D! That's right! It starts today! Well...tonight...well...officially TOMORROW at exactly 12:01am.

IN 3D!

I know people don't care about Episode One. It's not the greatest, but I'm pretty sure it's better than any other movie coming out this weekend.

Yes. Even better than "The Vow." I know that has Channing Tatum, but he's not in 3D, so it's not worth it.

I'm so excited to see light sabers in 3D! That will be EPIC!

I saw somebody throwing out a light saber the other day! It was sitting on the top of their trash can! Who does that?!

That is super dangerous. What if a raccoon, untrained in the Jedi arts, goes through that trash? Can you imagine what kind of destruction that will cause?!?!

I guess light sabers aren't recyclable. That's a shame. You would think they could have figured that out.

Granted, I can't even get rid of my recycling. My town needs money and many documents that I cannot supply to. You would THINK they'd WANT me to save the earth. Like a recycling Jedi Knight. I guess not...

But if anybody knows where I can get rid of my recycling, no questions asked, please contact me discreetly.

I'm off to show a raccoon the force.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj