powder my beverage

Nestle has decided to make a machine that will give you all the nutrients you need with the push of a button. It’s being researched now at the NIHS. No, not the National Institute for Highway Safety. That’s just silly. It’s the Nestle Institute of Health Sciences. (Yes. They have an institute.)

I wonder if that was there when they invented Nesquik (previously known as Nestle Quik)?

Scientist 1: “Milk isn’t chocolaty enough.”

Scientist 2: “I agree. And it’s not pink enough. What could we do to make it pinker?”

Scientist 3: “Let’s make a chocolate powder to add to it! And a strawberry powder! And it will be healthier!”

Scientist 1: “That’s not a bad idea! Wait…who are you? You don’t work here! And why do you have a giant ‘N’ on your necklace?”

Scientist 2: (Grabbing his lab coat and hat) “It’s a bunny!

Quik Bunny: “You can’t catch me! I’m Quik!”

Then history was made with tastier milk and safer speeds on the highway.

This new product will, in theory, scan your body and let you know what nutrients you’re missing. Then it will make a powder of some sort, because that’s what Nestle does, that you add to your milk to give you a healthy day!

They call it “Iron Man.” I have no idea why. I mean, it’s slightly more like a Replicator from Star Trek. It doesn’t create a suit of armor to fight evil with, it creates a food to eat.

Well, not food. Powder. Because the Quik Bunny is now in charge of Nestle and EVERY idea has to involve powder.

His new jingle is, “If you can’t add it to milk, and you can’t make it Quik, YOU’RE FIRED because you make me sick!”

He’s pretty ruthless. Seriously, you can't powder ruth, so it's just completely gone.

I’m off to milk my powder.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

national pie day

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned how much I love pie. That's a lie. I am sure I've mentioned it a lot. But I'm PRETTY sure I haven't mentioned National Pie Day! TODAY!

It is officially sanctioned by the (totally real) American Pie Council. There are celebrations going on all over the United States! There are places where you can get free pie! Get pie stickers! Even get your picture taken with a pie!

No time to get to those? The Great American Pie Festival is coming later this year! The American Pie Council does NOT mess around. They know that pie needs to be celebrated nationally and festivally.

Their website has pie recipes, ways to celebrate National Pie Day, AND pie merch!

I have decided to throw all my clothes away and buy ALL pie attire. I shall call it Haute (Apple Pie) Couture.

Even though I don't like apple pie. Well, I have yet to have an apple pie that I liked. There are officially 231 different varieties of apple pie logged in the council's archives. I will not rule out the chance that I will like 147 of them.

So please, have a pie party today. A pie-rty! Get all your pie-pals together and make pie! Then eat pie! Then make MORE pie! Then EAT more pie! Then recite the Pie Oath!

In pie-est day and crusty night,
No filling shall escape my sight,
Apple, pecan, and strawberry I bite,
Let's eat some pie, Green Lantern's light!

Okay...so I stole the oath from Green Lantern...and couldn't figure out a good way to end it. But still, Green Lantern loves pie, so I'm pretty sure it works. Instead of a power ring, I have a power pie.

I'm off to eat pie. Simple as that.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the love apple

Did you go to the 28th annual tomato contest in Boston? WELL! Every year Mary Kassler and Bob Heiss test tomatoes on taste, firmness, color, and shape. I don't know why shape matters. Or color. Or firmness. Doesn't it just have to taste good?

And it's a tomato! They don't even taste good! Full disclosure, I don't actually like tomatoes. I like them only in ketchup flavor.

They even call the tomato the "love apple."

As much as I ADORE the term "love apple," I cannot give that name to the tomato. I actually can't think of anything except the apple that deserves to be called "love apple." Maybe a pineapple? Or banana? Strawberry, probably. Definitely NOT tomato.

I would never eat a tomato like an apple...unless, perhaps, I could not clearly see the produce display and only had blurry colors from which to pick. Then I might, accidentally, pick up a tomato and take a bite out of it. But the shape, color, and firmness would have to trick me. (Now I see why that's judged!)

But of course, that would only happen if my glasses fell into the river.

Which they did.

I was swatting at a bee near my head and BOOP! glasses flew off and into the river!

So if you are showering and some glasses fall out of the nozzle (that's a fun world), those are mine. Thanks.

If you do not return them, I will blame you for all mishaps involving love apples.

And by love apples, I mean gross tomatoes.

I'm off to squint at the produce.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

step it up a little bit

I will exercise when I can. It's not bad. It's not great, but I feel like I should do it because it's supposed to be healthy for you.

One thing I have NEVER done is "step" stuff. I don't get it. Without any instruction, I tried stepping up onto the platform. I did it. Then I stepped down again. Woo.

Maybe I'm doing it wrong because it was not even close to resembling a workout! Maybe I should be carrying an ox when I do it. That would probably make it harder, right?

OH! You know what is sweet (and totally unrelated but I just thought of it and didn't want to forget to tell you)! Strawberries are coming early!

I know it's because of climate change and stuff, but it's still pretty awesome. I like good strawberries. Not bad ones. Good ones are good. Bad ones are not good. They are bad. Strawberries are one of the cutest fruits, don't you think?

The doctor said I was healthy (going back to the healthy talk). I told him that I exercised. Not step aerobics, though.

My doctor likes bears. He had a bear calendar in his room. I found out that Bear Awareness Week was in the beginning of May. I'm bear aware. Are you?

I bet bears like strawberries.

I tried strawberries and peanut butter once. Because I like peanut butter on pretty much everything. It wasn't gross. But it wasn't anything special. Try it if you like, but it's kind of a waste. Save the pb for apples or bread. Peanut butter pb, not lead.

I'm off to have a strawberry picnic with a bear.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj