a toast to toast

I love toast. I’ve said it a million times. It’s amazing. It’s ALWAYS amazing. It’s a magical food that magically appears from bread. Magically. It’s so good!

Apparently, I’m not the only person who loves toast! Because now you can get “artisanal toast” at special toast cafes! From toast baristas. (Baristoasts?) It’ll only cost $3-$4 to get a perfect piece of toast.

I know what you’re thinking. That’s crazy. There’s no such thing as unperfect toast. And I would agree with you.

That’s it. I really do agree with you.

I guess I should say more to defend these places, so I’ll give you some details. They are making it with special breads and fancy toppings. And they put on these toppings with so much care, that you probably don’t want to eat the food. Just look at its beauty.

That’s fine. Go for it. I don’t eat food because it’s pretty. I eat food so I don’t die. At least, that’s what I’ve been told would happen if I don’t eat food. I’ve never actually tried it. I’m too scared.

And this isn’t like some extreme sport where it’s fun and they say you COULD die. This is a risk that has a guarantee that you WILL die.

I like to live on the edge. But LIVE is the important part.

I suppose I can understand if you don’t want to buy a whole loaf of European Winter Wheat bread (only grown in winter and stone ground during the coldest day of the year) and a whole jar of strawberry jam made from Russian strawberries that were grown in blankets made of alpaca fur. Something like that might be better to just get by the slice and knife. (That’s a good name for a toast café!)

Making artisanal stuff is very popular these days. I recently wrote about a guy who makes artisanally sharpened pencils by hand.

Maybe I should artisanalate something. Like dental floss. I’d make every strand by hand. That could be my motto! And I’ll open up a floss bar where you come and floss with different flavored strands! $10 a visit! I’ll be rich AND help dental hygiene!

I’m off to get flossy.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

bread on the side of the road

That's what I saw. Just an innocent loaf of bread. On the side of the road. It was so sad.

I love bread. I used to eat bread raw. Right out of the bag. I know, you like to cook it first, but I was a crazy kid.

Now that I'm older and wiser, I do cook it. Most of the time. Sometimes, late at night, when I'm craving something naughty, I'll just open a bag of bread and start eating.

I know! I'm wild!

But that's me.

I was tempted to stop and pick up that lonely loaf of bread. I was THIS CLOSE to doing it.

I just adore bread. All kinds, too! Wheat, honey oat, 12-grain, 9-grain, oatmeal, yummy, all of them!

Cook it in the toaster or just eat it out of the bag! It's good stuff!

I don't know who invented bread, but that was a smart person. I bet it was Einstein or Curie or Tesla or something. They were smart and all of them liked fields of wheat.

Next time you pick up a loaf of bread, think of me.

Then think of a banana wearing a cape. Because that's really funny.

I'm off to save some banana bread.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj